By Amanda Coleman, LMP
I used to think that healing was hard. Like a battle. Like digging out a bullet. Like taking a leap of faith into some chasm. I had to marshal all my reserves to face my fear of my own body
—it seemed a massive lurking “unpredictable unknown” that was only barely kept at bay by my vigilance and control and Puritanical discipline. This body of mine had a back that could just “go out” whenever it wanted and keep me from being able to work. It could just “pull the plug” on my energy and plunge me into dark depressions. It could wreck my relationships with rages. It could grip me with pain and I could do nothing to stop it. I cursed my luck to be stuck with this lemon of a body. Why couldn’t I have one of those other bodies? Those beautiful shiny ones that win all the races? Why do I have to get stuck with the ugly one that collapses, wheezing, 10 yards from the finish line? Medicines were so temporary and there always seemed to be a side-effect that was nearly as bad as the problem. Doctors liked to say things to me like “You’ll need this medication for the rest of your life” or “You might get better with 3 months of antibiotics, but maybe not even then” or “Wow, that’s the worst mid-back I’ve ever seen.” Or, “We tested you and found out you’re allergic to everything.” And my personal favorite, “I’m sorry, you can’t have a hug. Your boundaries are not good enough”
These proclamations deflated and discouraged me, but on another level, they just seemed wrong. “This is NOT what’s really true” “They don’t see you,” a voice inside whispered to me. And so, drawing on the only images of revolution I’d been shown in school and on TV, I dumped the tea in the harbor and went to war. I was willing do battle. I was willing to fight for that whisper inside me. Mostly, I fought myself. I only succeeded in getting the “checkbook keeper” within me to let me experiment with trying alternative healing (which was labeled frivolous and self-indulgent at the time—also known as “too expensive”) because I conveyed that this was our last hope to “get it fixed” “make it stop crying,” “get it to cooperate.” But inside I felt a great excitement, a great trembling of possibility, like a dog on a scent. I worked hard at healing. I did all my homework, I wailed and wrestled my demons and gnashed my teeth with the effort. I fought hard. I was driven to find the answers. I sacrificed my security, my pride, my defenses, my money, my certainty, as I wandered the circuitous healing journeys time and time again. Not only has it “worked,” not only have I “gotten better,” not only do I continue to “earn it all back with interest,” but what I found while wandering those paths can now save both you and I a lot of trouble.
It doesn’t have to be so hard. Healing need not resemble war. In fact, our bodies might teach us all that we have forgotten about peace. I can listen to my body and find out what I need. I can then set about getting it, without wasting all that energy arguing! We can whisper back and forth to each other in our secret language that no one else knows (that I had been encouraged my whole life to forget and ignore!) Like a horse and rider we are one. One in our longing to get where we are headed, and just to enjoy the movement as we become one with the wind. And if there is trouble…we trust each other. I can navigate these new and man-made things she does not understand. And she knows things, ancient things that I cannot understand. She is just beginning to reveal the extent of her wisdom to me. But she’s shown time and time again that she knows what’s good for us and what’s rotten. And she always knows her way home.
Along my journey I found out that I can “whisper” with other bodies beyond my own. And that I can serve as translator, guide and partner as you learn to hone this skill for yourself. I know that we all have this ability; it just needs uncovering, dusting off and practice. What you will get out of your healing partnerships with others will magnify ten-fold as you are able to bring your whole integrated wisdom to the table. This includes not only partnerships with your “professional helpers” but the relationships at home, work and forest that can be like that acupuncture needle, that elbow in the glutes, or that fragrant soothing balm on your soul. I believe we can “wake up” this ability in each other and let it spread like wildfire, transforming this sea of 7 billion souls into an ecosystem that really works. It starts inside me. It starts inside you.
Amanda Coleman, LMP
“Amanda touched my body and soul in a profound way. She was able to reconcile tension that had been in my body since my first child was born over 7 years ago. As she worked softly and deeply I kept thinking, ‘how amazing that she can feel that’ and then, ‘how amazing that I can feel that.’ And in the safety of her presence tears of relief came as the tension left my body. Thank you, Amanda.”
Kristi Zimmer, LMP
Co-Owner of Tummy Temple